50/50

It's the ultimate; glass half full or glass half empty.

My Vet came out today to check on Lazarus, to see if he was moving around better than Friday after his four new shoes were placed. He was pleased that he is marginally doing better. That is better than showing new signs of pain, stress, etc, but it's only marginally better.

What he explained to me is we are now at the point, where the

re is a 50% chance. 50% chance Laz can recover and remain my pleasure riding horse with little or no pain/lameness.

Or...50% chance I will have to make a decision that if he isn't ride-able, or able to live a life pain free, that I would have to put him down. He reminded me that if he is living a life at 8 yrs old in daily pain, that it is a bit inhumane. I agree with that, however, at this point....that is only half of his chance, and there is still a chance that my future children could ride him. That Laz and I will have years together pleasurably hacking around, trail riding etc.

It was a tough thing to hear. I know it is (and has been) a reality, and probably his chances a month ago were even slimmer but we've made it past that point. My Vet assured me his pulses in his hind end are better, not throbbing as intensely. He is moving better than on Friday when he last looked at him. He also mentioned that if this rotation that Laz has was in his front end, he would have suggested me to put him down. How or why it's in his rear legs, is a mystery to all of us, but it's lucky for him and is giving him a better chance of survival.

So, I am staying positive and hopeful for us both. Lazarus's attitude is great lately but I do know he is hurting. But I tell myself, well, if I broke my leg..it would hurt, but you can heal and grunt through it. If I lived everyday in pain with every step I took, that is a different story. I couldn't put him through that..but to make the decision to take his life away? oh my god. ugh. How??? The sweet brown eyes that recognize me? His big hard head when he rubs in into me (I know bad habit but for now, I let it slide), his way of tenderly taking carrots, his big sighs, all these things that make him so special..so irreplaceable. So I again, am pushing that out of my mind for now.

Lazarus is to (as of today's visit) wear his new shoes for a month. We will take xrays with shoes on, and with shoes removed and review with vet what we see. If Laz shows new rotation, that is obviously taking us down a dark road. If Laz shows stability or healing, then we are headed in a better direction.

So, here's for my early Christmas wish...more time with Lazarus as a healthy boy!

~Here is a brief photo review of our first year together~

(Laz in Sept 08, when we rescued him fresh off the track. About 200 lbs under weight)

(photo in spring 09, starting to really look good!)

(this past winter 08/09 we worked a lot in the round pen, maintaining exercise, worked on ground manners and bonding)
(March 09..whoa spring time energy was sometimes scarrrry!)

(Early April, my first time able to give Laz a full body bath..and sheath cleaning, ek)

(This was a great day, we celebrated his 8th bday on April 25th..I'm March 25th. Cool huh?!)

(His muscles are looking great, and his summer coat was coming in nicely)

(Not bad for only a few months off the track; bareback and in a halter. All his allowing, I must say!)

(just loving on him)

(May 09; working harder to really ride properly)

(Rode a lot this spring/summer and still smiled)

(and today, Nov 16th 2009, we still have a way to go but he's comfortable and well loved for as long as we fight)